Never the Same Again

I thought I would do a fun blog this time. I’m tired of bitching about my financial situation! (Caution, there is bad language ahead!)

Have you ever watched a movie and the song attached to a scene changes how you listen to that song forever? I am going to list some of the songs that I can never listen to the same again. If you have any to contribute, leave a comment or if you have a Twitter account leave me a reply @1twistedmind.

Free Bird - The Devil’s Rejects

I have always been a fan of this song long before I watched the movie. Being born and raised in the south, I would be damned to hell for not loving this song! To those who have not seen this movie, first of all, shame on you, and second, I may ruin the ending for you.

The song starts with a nice aerial view of the road ahead. Highway to Hell may have been more appropriate for this ride! The “Rejects” are in a blue convertible Caddy cruising along after escaping a night of unholy hell, or so they thought. Baby and her daddy, Captain Spaulding, are in the back seat, while Otis drives. Visions of the good ole days are popping in and out along the journey. Otis stops the car after he spots the roadblock ahead. He lays his head back for moment before alerting the others who are passed out in the back seat. They wake up and realize what is going on and starting grabbing their weapons. Baby draws her gun first and mouths “You motherfucker”, Otis steps on the gas and the music speeds up.

Spaulding is hanging out one side of the car, Otis the other (driver side of course) and Baby is in the middle standing up like a pageant queen waving to the crowd. Shots are fired back and forth. I love the slow motion effect Rob Zombie produces in this scene. Bullet holes just appear like a drop of blood on Baby's arm. Spaulding has that shit faced grin on his blood caked mouth the whole time! We are left with the assumption they are all dead. I have to admit that I cried in the theatre during this scene. No matter how evil they are/were, they will always remain my favorite dysfunctional family!

The rest will be short and sweet!

This Year’s Love - David Gray - The Girl Next Door

What a perfect song for this scene. You lose your virginity to a smoking hot ex-porn star in a limousine on the way home from prom. Every time I hear this song, I see them having sex, which is not a bad thing!

Baby Got Back - Charlies Angels

Cameron Diaz wishes she had "back" but shakes it around nontheless! I still giggle when I hear that song!

Canned Heat - Jamiroquai - Napoleon Dynamite

I am a fan of Jamiroquai so I have some of his stuff on my iPod. When that song comes on, I want to stop what I am doing and do that stupid ass dance!

Love is a Battlefield - 13 Going on 30

Jennifer Garner jumping around on a bed with young girls... yeah...

Thriller - 13 Going on 30

Super Freak - Little Miss Sunshine

You gotta love that little girl!

Unchained Melody - Ghost

Dueling Banjos - Deliverance

So far, so good!

I went for an interview today for a part time job. I really do think things went well. I am very knowledgeable about the job position and even used to work there when the company was a different name.

I applied for a proof operator position. A proof operator handles transactions that are sent from a bank. Company deposits and customer deposits are mainly what I will be keying in. This job requires extensive 10 key by touch. (That means not looking at the number keypad when you key.) I key the amount of the check and drop it in the machine and it will be encoded on the bottom right hand corner. After all the checks (debits) are keyed and dropped, a credit is dropped to end the transaction. If you are not in balance, the machine requires extra steps to correct the transaction before you can key the next transaction.

Since I have described the position, I will tell you how I did. I keyed a bundle of transactions and all were in balance. After the last transaction, the supervisor came over and closed out the machine. This gave me my keystrokes per hour total, which was 1704. Every company has their own set of production standards, so I asked her if that was a "good" number. She told me that when I became a permanent employee, I would receive incentive pay (more money the faster you key) for anything keyed above 1700. So, yes, that was a good number! She will now pass my "numbers" to the human resource director and she will contact the staffing agency I applied with.

And now the waiting game begins!

Bound and Determined!

Last week, Devin and I went to his band banquet. He was in marching band the first part of the school year and played various instruments in percussion. I have to admit that when I was in school, I poked fun at the kids that were in marching band. Until this past year, I had no idea what kind of experience being a part of the marching band was like. Yes, it was aggravating taking him and picking him up from practice. Not to mention football games almost every Friday. The first time I saw them perform their complete show, it brought tears to my eyes. Those kids are truly dedicated and determined.

That night Devin told me he wanted to do marching band again this year. The first thing that popped into my head was, "How am I going to pay for it!" I realized how truly selfish I was by thinking that, but that thought quickly disappeared when I saw the excitement on his face. I am bound and determined to make this happen for him!

He has promised to help out with as many fundraisers as possible. Volunteered hours equals money in his band account! The band fees for this year are $300. I have applied for financial assistance which could mean that I may only have to pay as little as 25% of that. (keeping my fingers crossed!) Band fees do not include money for buses taken to competitions and other various trips.

Like I said before, I will make this happen!

Smoking Ban in NC

NC's Gov., Beverly Perdue, will be signing a bill banning smoking in ALL restaurants and bars. Restaurants I might can understand, but BARS???



Smokin' and drinkin' go together like peanut butter and jelly! I am a smoker and I can't imagine going to a bar and not being able to smoke! Personally, that is how I pace myself while drinking. I'm pretty sure others do the same thing. I predict more drunk drivers on the roads now.

North Carolina farmers produced $686 MILLION worth of tobacco last year. That is nearly half of what ALL of the US produces.

Wisconsin legislators also voted Wednesday night to ban smoking in all workplaces, including bars and restaurants. At least NC hasn't banned smoking at the workplace...yet.

"By the end of this year, more than 30 states and the District of Columbia are expected to have laws banning smoke from workplaces, restaurants, bars, or some combination." (http://www.startribune.com/nation/44912797.html)

Normal on the Outside

As a child, I remember going to the grocery store with my mom. When she would go to the meat section, I was fascinated with certain packaged meat products. I would stand there and stare at the cow livers and tongues. I would even poke at the meat just to feel the texture. The liver was smooth, while the tongue had a rougher texture. I have no idea why I needed to touch them or why I was never "grossed out" by it.

My mother often bought whole fryer chickens, the ones you basically had to "gut" before you cooked them. I was very curious about this process. My mom took notice of my curiosity and asked if I wanted to help. I remember receiving some sort of pleasure skinning the chicken and handling the "innards". That became my duty in the kitchen whenever chicken was cooked!

As far as my interest in horror movies goes, that started at a young age also. I remember watching "The Birds" and "Psycho" with my dad around the age of 7, in the early 80's. I loved those movies and wanted to live in Norman Bates' house! Even in black and white those movies were awesome. I know now that chocolate syrup was used in the shower scene in "Psycho"!

I also remember a movie that came on around Halloween. It was called "Dark Night of the Scarecrow". It came out in 1981. I watched that movie every Halloween until they stopped airing it.

I guess the first "popular" horror movie that I watched was "Friday the 13th". I was scared to death of Jason when I first saw that movie. The same with Michael Myers when first seeing "Halloween". Something about a man in a mask! Freddy, on the other hand, was not scary to me at all. He was hilarious!

In 1987, the movie that made me fall in love with vampires, came out. I spent a Friday night with my junior high best friend and we watched "The Lost Boys". We watched it again the next day, 3 more times! I grew up with a southern baptist momma who didn't even allow me to watch The Smurfs, much less horror movies! Boy, if she only knew what I got away with!

Back to my sick fascinations! In high school I took advanced biology. It came time for our dissection project. We were going to be dissecting a cat. I was, and still am, a cat lover, but for some reason it did not bother me to be cutting away at this cat. Maybe it was because the object laid before us no longer really looked like a cat or maybe it was because I am just that sick. Who knows. My partner and I completed the assigned list of items we were to dissect. After that, the teacher allowed us to "explore" our cat. Without going into great detail, to spare my fellow cat lovers, I removed the brain. I also kept, said brain, in a baby food jar and stored it in my locker for the remainder of the school year. Why? I don't know.

I will also spare my fellow cat lovers by not posting a picture of a cat dissection!

Serial killers are another fascination of mine, but I will save that for a different blog. But just to let you know: yes, I had small animals as a child and NO, I did not mutilate them! lol

My love for horror movies is stronger than ever. The more gore and sick and twisted content, the better. How can someone look so normal on the outside but be so sick and twisted on the inside? I guess those are the ones you have to look out for!

No Regrets...

I got pregnant with my son, Devin, at the age of 16. I gave birth to him at the age of 17, November 17, 1992. I was a senior in high school. At the time I believed that my life was over. Being a teenager and a senior, I missed out on a lot of the things that my friends were able to do. I could blame no one but myself.

Devin was a beautiful baby! Red hair and blue eyes, just like momma! He weighed 8 lbs, 3 oz. That's a big baby for a 17 year old!

Devin @ the age of 1 month.

I was not with his father for the majority of my pregnancy or for a while after he was born. Dating was a little hard after I had him. I dated a couple of guys at the age of 19. Devin was 2 years old by this time. Oh no! The terrible twos! I met a guy whose family just feel in love with him. Even though our relationship was on and off for almost a year, he never really took an interest in Devin. The second guy I dated, really took the time to get to know Devin. Devin even called him "daddy" at one point. He was the only "father" figure he had in his life. We eventually broke up and once again I was single.

Me, 19 Devin, 2

In early 1996, his dad and I started dating again. Devin was 4 at this time. We decided to get married and did so in June of that year. Since he was never around Devin until now, it took Devin awhile to get to know him. It didn't help the fact that his dad tried to become a dad overnight. This led to many arguments on how Devin should be raised. I was raised by my mother AND father. He went through a divorce at a young age.

We moved into a small duplex after about a month of living with my parents. Devin didn't originally come with us. We moved him in @ 6 months later. The arguing had began again! The straw that broke the camel's back was when his dad made him sit in front of the window during a thunderstorm. Devin was afraid of thunder and lightening and his dad wanted to break him of it. What a dumb ass way to break a 4 year old of a fear! I picked Devin up out of the floor and took him to my mom and dad's. Within that week, Devin was living with my parents.

In 1999 we bought a house right down the street from my parents. Devin did not come to live with us until 2003. He was very over weight when he left my parents. They had spoiled him beyond belief! So once again, his dad and I began to argue over him. We registered him for baseball which, number 1, got him away from video games and number 2, helped him loose the weight. Devin shot up like a weed the 2nd year he played. He was entering puberty. Lord help me!

By the end of 2004, his dad and I decided to call it quits. He got through the holidays and on New Year's Eve, he moved out. I was working 3rd shift, so once again, Devin had to stay at my parents. He was home with me on the weekends though. The first weekend his dad was supposed to have him, all hell broke loose! Needless to say, there was a woman over there and his dad had asked him to lie to me and say that there was nobody there, if I asked. I heard a baby crying in the background! Of course I am going to ask who was there! No more weekend visits at his dad's after that. That was Devin's choice, even though I got blamed for it.

Over the last 3 years, Devin and I became really close. He is 16 1/2 right now. We like the same music and movies. We go to concerts and the movies together all the time. He is very open with me about everything he does. I never had that with my parents. All of his friends think I am just the "coolest" mom. My VW Rabbit has become a taxi! Hopefully Devin will be getting his license at the end of December.

Devin and I, 2009

The purpose of this blog is to let everyone know that I DO NOT regret having my son at an early age. He made me grow up and become more responsible. He did ME a favor. I love my son with all of my heart and he is the only male that will ever truly have my heart!

Health or Wealth?

Six months ago I quit my job of 9 years. I was the 3rd shift supervisor at a banking operations center. The money was excellent, but the stress was killing me. I would have a migraine at least once a week, if not more. I asked my manager about stepping down, but kept getting the run around. I didn't want to leave a company that I had given 9 years of my time and effort towards.

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I arrived early to work, packed up my desk, handled any outstanding obligations and sent an email to my manager stating I had quit and gave my reasons why. When I came in that night, I had a final written warning on my desk for my absences, which were due to my migraines. I was on the verge of losing my job anyways. My health was deteriorating. I was taking 150mg of Effexor for depression, Ambien to help me sleep and Zomig for my migraines.

My monthly expenses were around $1500 a month. This was not a problem because I brought home around $2300, not including child support. Devin and I had a pretty leisure lifestyle. We went to the movies and concerts, sometimes 4 or 5 hours from home. We would treat ourselves to CD's and DVD's and almost any ting else that caught our eyes. I was able to go on trips with friends, mostly horror conventions or an occasional weekend getaway. That all came to a screeching halt.

The first month after I had left my job, I was ok. I got my last check on November 30th so I was able to pay all of my December bills. Come January, I started to get stressed. This was not good. Because my insurance stopped in November, I had to ween myself off of my depression medication. That was one hell of a process. I felt like a drug addict must feel in rehab. The withdrawals were horrible! I had brain shivers and that is the weirdest feeling in the world. My brain felt like it was doing aerobics in my head!

Since the time I had left my job, I was working for a part time data entry company. I was only making between $350 and $400 every 2 weeks. I went to social services, during this time, to apply for assistance. That was a complete waste of my time! I could not get Medicaid for Devin because I made more than $400 a month. WTF??? I couldn't even get food stamps because I have 2 cars! So much for being honest!

My job search ended around the middle of January. I was contacted by a staffing agency about a job at another financial institution. The pay was only $10 an hour, but it was a 40 hour a week job. I started the last week in January. The job was very different from anything I had done before. The hours were from 6 am to 3 pm. This was extremely hard to get used to because of working 3rd shift for so many years. Also, I am not a morning person!

I took the job also under the impression that is was a temp to hire position. That was, not so much, the case. I started looking at other permanent positions on the company's website. I applied for all that I felt I was qualified for. About a month later, in April, I got a called from the hiring recruiter. I interviewed with 3 managers at once, only finding out during the interview, that all 3 managers had a position open. I waited, impatiently, for about 2 weeks before I heard anything. I was offered the position.

The position was in the department beside of my current one. They offered me position at the same rate I was making through the staffing agency. I questioned whether or not to ask for more money. I thought about it and considering that I would now be paying for insurance, I would be making less. I went through the "proper" channels and I was given a small increase. (Better than nothing!) That's where I currently am today. Great you might think, and don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my job. (Here comes the but!) But... I am still not making enough.

I now get paid every 2 weeks and barely bring home $700. That's $1400 a month. Remember when I said my monthly bills were $1500? Yeah... I still work part time at the data entry place on 2nd shift, when they have work available, which is hardly ever.

I had to have my cable cut off, which means no internet too! My dad got a loan for me to pay off my house early, lowering my payment $210 a month. That may sound great but I would have had my house paid off this September, now I have a 3 year loan to pay. You gotta do what you gotta do I guess! I got so far behind on my bills that my dad had to help me get caught up. On top of all of that, my water heater is leaking and causing my power bill to be over $400 a month. My dad paid for a water heater and we put it in a couple of weekends ago. I should see a big difference in my power bill in the next couple of months.

I will have to pat myself on the back, because during all of this, I have been medication free. I am handling stressful situations a lot better than I ever would have imagined. I have also noticed that I have had zero stress related migraines. (Only menstrual migraines.) My health, for the most part, has gotten a lot better.

The reason I decided to share all of this personal information about myself is to prove that choosing wealth over your health is not always the right the do. Yes, I blame myself for the situation I am in, but my health is not as poor and I am not always yelling at my son or anyone else for that matter. I hate to tell my son "no" when he asks for things now. It is not his fault that I am the predicament. His dad has really helped with the things involving money for school. Devin has even offered to get a part time job to help, but no luck yet.

I am far from being rescued from the black hole of debt I am in. Without my parents helping out, I would hate to even think where I would be today. (Here comes another but.) But now how I am going to repay them, and I mean financially! Again, all my fault.

I would love to hear from any of you that have been through this and how you survived! Forward this blog post to anyone you think may need to read it or may can help. I have added a "Donate" button to the sidebar, not that I expect anyone to give me money, but it is there nonetheless.