I know that I am pretty hardcore when it comes to death and dying in horror movies, but to actually be in the presence of death today, scared the hell out of me. It scared me because you never know from one minute to the next if someone you love will be taken from you. I was scared because I didn't know if her death would be peaceful or a struggle. I was scared because I wasn't really sure how my mom would handle it. And I am scared that one this will happen to me and the sorrow it will cause my family.
Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers. I don't even know half of you personally, but through your comments I know that you are truly my friends and are here for me if I need you! : )
Friday, January 15, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Looking Back at 2009
2009 was an interesting year, to say the least, and I can honestly say that I have learned a lot. I met new friends, re-connected with old friends and said good-bye to friends. I went on some wonderful road trips all while maintaining a new budget. My son and I have become closer than ever and that will go down as the best thing that happened to me last year.
In 2009 I began using Twitter. This may seem lame to a lot of people, but I have connected with more people through this social site than I ever would have imagined. Even though I am not on there as much as I used to be, I hope this will change during 2010 and that I can connect with even more people. There are a few people that stand out that I have met there, but to not leave anyone out, I will not even begin to list them, but will list a few websites that are my favorite and let you enjoy them if you choose. I have enjoyed chatting about horror movies, music, photography and the trashiest, but best, crime site I have come across yet. (www.dreamindemon.com) I have discovered some great blogs (www.thevaultofhorror.net) and pod casts (www.fearshop.com and www.horrorphilia.net) that are now a apart of my everyday life. A lot of people despise social sites such as Twitter, Facebook and MySpace, but for me, those are the people that are in my life and for that I am grateful. I enjoy talking to people, period!
2009 was also a year that I decided to let go of a few friends. I know that may sound bad, but it was something I needed to do to be able to move on with my life. So many times in the past I have lived my life for other people and now I realize that I need to live my life for ME. I know this may sound selfish, but if you are not happy with YOU, you make everyone around you miserable. Drama causes stress and stress makes me a very unbearable person. 2009 was the first year, in several years, that I had to take on life unmedicated. This was a challenge and if I do say so myself, I passed with flying colors! I am a very unique person and will change for no one. I accept myself for who I am and am very thankful for the people in my life that do also. I can be bitchy, pushy, impatient and intimidating, but those are qualities that make me the person I am. I have recently rediscovered my “soft” side. The ushy, gushy side that I forgot I had. I kinda like it! There IS a heart buried underneath all the cobwebs that have built up over the last 5 years, since I have been divorced.
2009 was the year that I went on some very interesting road trips. I attended two very exciting horror conventions, one in the spring and one in the late summer. I met and have maintained friendship with people from both trips. I also went on a lot of solo trips to the mountains. This was very therapeutic for me. I love to take pictures and that is more calming to me than any anti-depression medication can cure. I am a very independent person and enjoy time just being alone. At one time, I was so disgusted with myself. I had to learn real quick that if I couldn’t trust MYSELF, I couldn’t be trusted period. Trust has always been an issue for me in any relationship, friend or otherwise. Learning how to trust myself is the first step in trusting other people. Let’s just say that I am still working on the later part of the previous statement. But I have come a long way. Trust is something you definitely earn.
Last year was the first year in a while that I was financial strapped. I quit a very good paying job that last part of 2008. I chose health over wealth. (My last job was very stressful.) Even though I struggled for the most part of last year, my health did improve. I take nothing I have now for granted. My son and I had a very leisure lifestyle until I quit my job. It kills me to say to him that “I can’t afford that”, but I know he understands I did what I did because I had to. And believe it or not, I think this is one of the main things that has brought us closer together. We talk about anything and everything and I wouldn’t trade my hardships and lessons learned over last year for anything. I has definitely made me a stronger person and a more attentive mother. Don’t get me wrong, I am still struggling, and as I stated earlier, I now take nothing for granted.
I anticipate 2010 to be a better year. Learning all the things I did in 2009 will be put to good use in this year to come. I am, by no means, perfect. I have never claimed to be and I never will be. I take things one day at a time now, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. “Live for today, because tomorrow is never promised.” I wish each and everyone of you a great year. Remember to live life for YOU and change for no one! I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. I make New Year’s mottos!
In 2009 I began using Twitter. This may seem lame to a lot of people, but I have connected with more people through this social site than I ever would have imagined. Even though I am not on there as much as I used to be, I hope this will change during 2010 and that I can connect with even more people. There are a few people that stand out that I have met there, but to not leave anyone out, I will not even begin to list them, but will list a few websites that are my favorite and let you enjoy them if you choose. I have enjoyed chatting about horror movies, music, photography and the trashiest, but best, crime site I have come across yet. (www.dreamindemon.com) I have discovered some great blogs (www.thevaultofhorror.net) and pod casts (www.fearshop.com and www.horrorphilia.net) that are now a apart of my everyday life. A lot of people despise social sites such as Twitter, Facebook and MySpace, but for me, those are the people that are in my life and for that I am grateful. I enjoy talking to people, period!
2009 was also a year that I decided to let go of a few friends. I know that may sound bad, but it was something I needed to do to be able to move on with my life. So many times in the past I have lived my life for other people and now I realize that I need to live my life for ME. I know this may sound selfish, but if you are not happy with YOU, you make everyone around you miserable. Drama causes stress and stress makes me a very unbearable person. 2009 was the first year, in several years, that I had to take on life unmedicated. This was a challenge and if I do say so myself, I passed with flying colors! I am a very unique person and will change for no one. I accept myself for who I am and am very thankful for the people in my life that do also. I can be bitchy, pushy, impatient and intimidating, but those are qualities that make me the person I am. I have recently rediscovered my “soft” side. The ushy, gushy side that I forgot I had. I kinda like it! There IS a heart buried underneath all the cobwebs that have built up over the last 5 years, since I have been divorced.
2009 was the year that I went on some very interesting road trips. I attended two very exciting horror conventions, one in the spring and one in the late summer. I met and have maintained friendship with people from both trips. I also went on a lot of solo trips to the mountains. This was very therapeutic for me. I love to take pictures and that is more calming to me than any anti-depression medication can cure. I am a very independent person and enjoy time just being alone. At one time, I was so disgusted with myself. I had to learn real quick that if I couldn’t trust MYSELF, I couldn’t be trusted period. Trust has always been an issue for me in any relationship, friend or otherwise. Learning how to trust myself is the first step in trusting other people. Let’s just say that I am still working on the later part of the previous statement. But I have come a long way. Trust is something you definitely earn.
Last year was the first year in a while that I was financial strapped. I quit a very good paying job that last part of 2008. I chose health over wealth. (My last job was very stressful.) Even though I struggled for the most part of last year, my health did improve. I take nothing I have now for granted. My son and I had a very leisure lifestyle until I quit my job. It kills me to say to him that “I can’t afford that”, but I know he understands I did what I did because I had to. And believe it or not, I think this is one of the main things that has brought us closer together. We talk about anything and everything and I wouldn’t trade my hardships and lessons learned over last year for anything. I has definitely made me a stronger person and a more attentive mother. Don’t get me wrong, I am still struggling, and as I stated earlier, I now take nothing for granted.
I anticipate 2010 to be a better year. Learning all the things I did in 2009 will be put to good use in this year to come. I am, by no means, perfect. I have never claimed to be and I never will be. I take things one day at a time now, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. “Live for today, because tomorrow is never promised.” I wish each and everyone of you a great year. Remember to live life for YOU and change for no one! I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. I make New Year’s mottos!
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