Tuesday, November 24, 2009
1. The Cure (2x)
2. 3 Doors Down (5x)
4. Lynyrd Skynryd
5. Def Leppard
6. She Wants Revenge
7. Korn (3x)
8. Disturbed (2x)
9. Marilyn Manson
11. Green Day
13. Cypress Hill
14. Charlie Daniels
15. Modest Mouse
16. 38 Special
17. Rascal Flatts
18. Darius Rucker
19. NIN (2x)
20. Tool (2x)
21. George Clinton
23. In Flames
24. System of a Down
25. Lacuna Coil (2x)
26. Rob Zombie (3x)
27. Bullet For My Valentine
29. Avenged Sevenfold (2x)
30. Buckcherry 31. L7
32. Beastie Boys
33. The Breeders
36. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
40. Black Label Society
41. Shadows Fall
42. Velvet Revolver
44. Killswitch Engage
49. Dave Matthews Band
50. Tori Amos
51. Seven Mary 3
52. Maps and Atlases
53. Weird Al
54. A Tribe Called Quest
55. Bloodhound Gang
57. Alice Cooper
Musical Festivals Attended:
Lollapalooza 94 & 95
Ozzfest 03, 05 & 06
Friday, October 9, 2009
I watched Paranormal Activity tonight and I have to say that I was a little disappointed. "THE SCARIEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE " MY ASS. I do admit that I jumped ONE time from one of the "noises". I did not watch a trailer for it and only skimmed over a couple of reviews. I basically went into this movie blind.
It upsets me that it is being compared to The Blair Witch Project, which I have to say I enjoyed more. The only thing that it and The Blair Witch Project had in common was that it was filmed by the characters portrayed in the movie. The male character in this movie was so annoying! All he cared about was "evidence" and not what was happening to his girlfriend. Let's just say he gets his "money shot" of evidence in the end.
The only thing that I can think of that made this movie so "scary" for the audience is their lack of knowledge or experience of the paranormal. I have been on several paranormal investigations and like to think I have SOME knowledge of the paranormal field. Nothing ever happened to me DURING an investigation that even compared to what happened in the movie. I am not saying that it couldn't happen, but I know NEVER to provoke an evil entity. Strange and unexplainable things have happened to me in the past, so maybe that is why I am a little more opinionated. Trust me, I will not have trouble sleeping after seeing this movie. I DID have trouble sleeping after I was "visited" by a shadow person hovering over me while I was sleeping and lifting me up off the pillow by pulling on my shirt. That was terrifying!
I am very grateful to have experienced it in the theater, but I seriously do not think it lived up to the hype. I do encourage everyone, that can, to go see it. Everybody sees things differently.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
After I watched the movie "The Number 23", again, I realized how much a number can be a part of your life whether you want it to or not. I started adding things up and this is what I came up with:
*I got pregnant with my son, Devin, in the 11th grade.
*He was born in November, the 11th month of the year.
*He was born in '92. 9+2=11
*He weighed 8 pounds, 3 ounces. 8 + 3 = 11
*He will (hopefully) graduate High School in 2011.
*His first and last name add up to 11 letters.
*His name even rhymes with 11!
Now for me...
*My brother and I are 11 years apart, almost to the day! He was born in '64, which adds up to be 10. I was born in '75, which adds up to be 12. What number is between 10 and 12? 11!!!
*The numbers of my SS break down to 7. My birth month, day and year break down to the number 4. 7+4=11
*My driver's license number adds up to 44. If you divide that by the break down of my birthday (4), you get 11.
*I was married on 6/7/1996. If you break down that... 6+7+1+9+9+6=92 9+2=11
Other significant (but personal) things revolve around the number 11.
I see the number 11:11 on the clock all the time! I worked at a bank and saw the amount $11.11 or a check number, 1111 frequently. I don't look for these things, they just jump out at me!
I will receive phone calls, text messages or emails at 11:11.
Most recently I have been seeing 1:11 or 111. I work at a different financial institute and will see addresses or account numbers with this number in succession.
I will get behind cars and the license plate will have 111, together, on the plate.
Some may think this is crazy and is just a coincidence, but I don't believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason.
I would like to know if any of you have this same thing happening with you. Not necessarily the number 11, but any number. Soothe my curiosity and leave me a comment!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Here are some of my favorites:
I tested the drug the night before I was scheduled to leave on vacation. I hallucinated and remember "repacking" my bags and seeing a woman dancing sideways on my staircase. I nearly jumped over the railing to avoid her and after that lost all memory. When I woke up in the morning, I had all my clothes on, found an umbrella under the rug and the contents of my suitcase were a mess with things missing. Evidently I also tossed clothing in the washing machine but did not find them until 3 weeks later in a moldy heap. I flushed the ambien down the toilet...never again.
Apparently after taking it I texted a friend "10 foot long strands of multicolored spaghetti are filling the room" she immediately called my boyfriend who woke up and found me crying and screaming uncontrollably in the bathroom. He spent the next 6 hours holding me because I was trying to knock down a cabinet with my head because I thought there was a monster in there trying to escape and eat me, and I was convinced that leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) was walking on the roof with an ax. I also lost most of my voluntary muscle movements. Those were the really prominent ones that he told me about.
I learned first hand the difference between a delusion and a hallucination and it was not fun at all. The only things I actually remember was the blinds downstairs were clacking together and I was convinced there was a lion in the den eating my dogs and the clacking was their bones breaking, and there was a green fairy with shifty eyes that wanted to steal my right kidney.
My 24 year old son started taking Ambien one week ago. Although he said he woke up feeling great, he also suffered serious side effects. He began sleep walking with one episode resulting in him going outside and using a saw to cut down two trees in the yard. He went back to bed sweaty and covered in saw dust with no memory of the event. His wife told him about it. Last night, while sleep walking, he called his psychiatrist and told him he has taken 12 Ambien tabs. The doctor told him to go to the emergency room or he would send an ambulance for him. After being treated for a possible overdose at the er and having the er physician sign an order of protective custody it was found that he had actually not taken 12 tabs. Luckily today the attending physician was familiar with these type of side effects with Ambien. Obviously he is immediately off the medication before a more tragic result takes place.
Hallucinated - told my husband he had four eyes - and took a picture of it to show him!
First time, the stuff donkey-punched me. I took it while surfing the net. Woke up in the chair, still dressed. Slept great! Another time, began to type silly stuff on the computer. Remembered while typing, the computer keys would rise up to meet my fingers. I could see behind the letters on the screen. The Earth is angry because oil is her blood and we are draining her. Thats why we have earthquakes, hurricanes, etc. She's very angry. Made sense at the time.... When I take it now, I make sure that I'm in bed.
OH MY.... myself and a few of my friends discussed this and all had similar issues. BINGE eating... Making calls or emails and dont remember.. I made a video of myself and saw it the next day.. i could not believe it... in it i seemed normal, maybe a little drunk?.. and was pretending to do a cooking show.. folding american cheese with mustard squeezed in the middle and eating one after the other... then overflowed the sink, and cleaned it up... next am...had no memory of it... found camera in kitchen and rewound the tape.. i could not believe it was me.
Visual hallucinations that went on for hours and were so engrossing that it was impossible to fall asleep. For example, after I took Ambien, my pink telephone would come to life. It would start breathing and scuttling back and forth on my desk like a crab. My husband finally got fed up because not only were these nightly visions keeping me awake, but my Howard Cosell-esque reporting of them kept him awake too.
I'm a nurse, so you'd think I'd know better than not to listen to my doctor who warned me to GO STRAIGHT TO BED AFTER TAKING AMBIEN. If I do so, it works great with a full 8 hours of sleep. Although my husband has reported a few times when we had sex that I can only recall bits & pieces of uninhibited craziness. I made him promise not to get frisky after Ambien. Make sure you are with someone you trust! And some nights, I didn't go straight to bed and I sent crazy e-mails & didn't know it until days later when I saw them in the "sent box." I talked about a pet jumping mouse that I made a hotel for out of a shoebox. One night, I was sitting on the sofa watching tv after a dose, when I couldn't focus. My teen daughter said I started talking gibberish, so she tried to get me in bed. She said that I got in my empty laundry basket and when she tried to pull me out, I said "I'm just making sure there is room for more clothes."
Two nights in a row I had been sleepwalking---don't know too much what I was doing, but found evidence of doing things in the house. Books and magazines moved around the house, apparently I tried to put on nail polish (painted 3 nails and then left brush on sink), the next morning found my pajama bottoms at the door of the bedroom, so I don't know what happened there. Besides sleepwalking I had hallucinations: wood paneling moving around like puzzle pieces, wooden sculpture of an eagle was moving (when I walked over to it and held it, I also felt it moving in my hand!), couch cushions moving, computer screen undulating (like a bubble blowing out toward me), out of the corner of my eye I saw someone sitting next to me on the couch and heard him talking to me, but when I turned toward him, he was gone. One night my husband was still up, and he said that I came in and kept talking but made no sense at all, and I appeared to be drunk.
This medicine has been a godsend as I have had chronic insomnia for about 15 years. It's been going great except when I woke up this morning, I had rug burns on my knees, a bloody nose, and my daughter had a different set of pyjamas on than she originally went to bed with. WTF?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
This Year’s Love - David Gray - The Girl Next Door
What a perfect song for this scene. You lose your virginity to a smoking hot ex-porn star in a limousine on the way home from prom. Every time I hear this song, I see them having sex, which is not a bad thing!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I applied for a proof operator position. A proof operator handles transactions that are sent from a bank. Company deposits and customer deposits are mainly what I will be keying in. This job requires extensive 10 key by touch. (That means not looking at the number keypad when you key.) I key the amount of the check and drop it in the machine and it will be encoded on the bottom right hand corner. After all the checks (debits) are keyed and dropped, a credit is dropped to end the transaction. If you are not in balance, the machine requires extra steps to correct the transaction before you can key the next transaction.
Since I have described the position, I will tell you how I did. I keyed a bundle of transactions and all were in balance. After the last transaction, the supervisor came over and closed out the machine. This gave me my keystrokes per hour total, which was 1704. Every company has their own set of production standards, so I asked her if that was a "good" number. She told me that when I became a permanent employee, I would receive incentive pay (more money the faster you key) for anything keyed above 1700. So, yes, that was a good number! She will now pass my "numbers" to the human resource director and she will contact the staffing agency I applied with.
And now the waiting game begins!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
That night Devin told me he wanted to do marching band again this year. The first thing that popped into my head was, "How am I going to pay for it!" I realized how truly selfish I was by thinking that, but that thought quickly disappeared when I saw the excitement on his face. I am bound and determined to make this happen for him!
He has promised to help out with as many fundraisers as possible. Volunteered hours equals money in his band account! The band fees for this year are $300. I have applied for financial assistance which could mean that I may only have to pay as little as 25% of that. (keeping my fingers crossed!) Band fees do not include money for buses taken to competitions and other various trips.
Like I said before, I will make this happen!
Smokin' and drinkin' go together like peanut butter and jelly! I am a smoker and I can't imagine going to a bar and not being able to smoke! Personally, that is how I pace myself while drinking. I'm pretty sure others do the same thing. I predict more drunk drivers on the roads now.
North Carolina farmers produced $686 MILLION worth of tobacco last year. That is nearly half of what ALL of the US produces.
Wisconsin legislators also voted Wednesday night to ban smoking in all workplaces, including bars and restaurants. At least NC hasn't banned smoking at the workplace...yet.
"By the end of this year, more than 30 states and the District of Columbia are expected to have laws banning smoke from workplaces, restaurants, bars, or some combination." (http://www.startribune.com/nation/44912797.html)
My mother often bought whole fryer chickens, the ones you basically had to "gut" before you cooked them. I was very curious about this process. My mom took notice of my curiosity and asked if I wanted to help. I remember receiving some sort of pleasure skinning the chicken and handling the "innards". That became my duty in the kitchen whenever chicken was cooked!
As far as my interest in horror movies goes, that started at a young age also. I remember watching "The Birds" and "Psycho" with my dad around the age of 7, in the early 80's. I loved those movies and wanted to live in Norman Bates' house! Even in black and white those movies were awesome. I know now that chocolate syrup was used in the shower scene in "Psycho"!
I also remember a movie that came on around Halloween. It was called "Dark Night of the Scarecrow". It came out in 1981. I watched that movie every Halloween until they stopped airing it.
I guess the first "popular" horror movie that I watched was "Friday the 13th". I was scared to death of Jason when I first saw that movie. The same with Michael Myers when first seeing "Halloween". Something about a man in a mask! Freddy, on the other hand, was not scary to me at all. He was hilarious!
In 1987, the movie that made me fall in love with vampires, came out. I spent a Friday night with my junior high best friend and we watched "The Lost Boys". We watched it again the next day, 3 more times! I grew up with a southern baptist momma who didn't even allow me to watch The Smurfs, much less horror movies! Boy, if she only knew what I got away with!
Back to my sick fascinations! In high school I took advanced biology. It came time for our dissection project. We were going to be dissecting a cat. I was, and still am, a cat lover, but for some reason it did not bother me to be cutting away at this cat. Maybe it was because the object laid before us no longer really looked like a cat or maybe it was because I am just that sick. Who knows. My partner and I completed the assigned list of items we were to dissect. After that, the teacher allowed us to "explore" our cat. Without going into great detail, to spare my fellow cat lovers, I removed the brain. I also kept, said brain, in a baby food jar and stored it in my locker for the remainder of the school year. Why? I don't know.
I will also spare my fellow cat lovers by not posting a picture of a cat dissection!
Serial killers are another fascination of mine, but I will save that for a different blog. But just to let you know: yes, I had small animals as a child and NO, I did not mutilate them! lol
My love for horror movies is stronger than ever. The more gore and sick and twisted content, the better. How can someone look so normal on the outside but be so sick and twisted on the inside? I guess those are the ones you have to look out for!
Devin was a beautiful baby! Red hair and blue eyes, just like momma! He weighed 8 lbs, 3 oz. That's a big baby for a 17 year old!
Devin @ the age of 1 month.
I was not with his father for the majority of my pregnancy or for a while after he was born. Dating was a little hard after I had him. I dated a couple of guys at the age of 19. Devin was 2 years old by this time. Oh no! The terrible twos! I met a guy whose family just feel in love with him. Even though our relationship was on and off for almost a year, he never really took an interest in Devin. The second guy I dated, really took the time to get to know Devin. Devin even called him "daddy" at one point. He was the only "father" figure he had in his life. We eventually broke up and once again I was single.
Me, 19 Devin, 2
In early 1996, his dad and I started dating again. Devin was 4 at this time. We decided to get married and did so in June of that year. Since he was never around Devin until now, it took Devin awhile to get to know him. It didn't help the fact that his dad tried to become a dad overnight. This led to many arguments on how Devin should be raised. I was raised by my mother AND father. He went through a divorce at a young age.
We moved into a small duplex after about a month of living with my parents. Devin didn't originally come with us. We moved him in @ 6 months later. The arguing had began again! The straw that broke the camel's back was when his dad made him sit in front of the window during a thunderstorm. Devin was afraid of thunder and lightening and his dad wanted to break him of it. What a dumb ass way to break a 4 year old of a fear! I picked Devin up out of the floor and took him to my mom and dad's. Within that week, Devin was living with my parents.
In 1999 we bought a house right down the street from my parents. Devin did not come to live with us until 2003. He was very over weight when he left my parents. They had spoiled him beyond belief! So once again, his dad and I began to argue over him. We registered him for baseball which, number 1, got him away from video games and number 2, helped him loose the weight. Devin shot up like a weed the 2nd year he played. He was entering puberty. Lord help me!
By the end of 2004, his dad and I decided to call it quits. He got through the holidays and on New Year's Eve, he moved out. I was working 3rd shift, so once again, Devin had to stay at my parents. He was home with me on the weekends though. The first weekend his dad was supposed to have him, all hell broke loose! Needless to say, there was a woman over there and his dad had asked him to lie to me and say that there was nobody there, if I asked. I heard a baby crying in the background! Of course I am going to ask who was there! No more weekend visits at his dad's after that. That was Devin's choice, even though I got blamed for it.
Over the last 3 years, Devin and I became really close. He is 16 1/2 right now. We like the same music and movies. We go to concerts and the movies together all the time. He is very open with me about everything he does. I never had that with my parents. All of his friends think I am just the "coolest" mom. My VW Rabbit has become a taxi! Hopefully Devin will be getting his license at the end of December.
Devin and I, 2009
The purpose of this blog is to let everyone know that I DO NOT regret having my son at an early age. He made me grow up and become more responsible. He did ME a favor. I love my son with all of my heart and he is the only male that will ever truly have my heart!
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I arrived early to work, packed up my desk, handled any outstanding obligations and sent an email to my manager stating I had quit and gave my reasons why. When I came in that night, I had a final written warning on my desk for my absences, which were due to my migraines. I was on the verge of losing my job anyways. My health was deteriorating. I was taking 150mg of Effexor for depression, Ambien to help me sleep and Zomig for my migraines.
My monthly expenses were around $1500 a month. This was not a problem because I brought home around $2300, not including child support. Devin and I had a pretty leisure lifestyle. We went to the movies and concerts, sometimes 4 or 5 hours from home. We would treat ourselves to CD's and DVD's and almost any ting else that caught our eyes. I was able to go on trips with friends, mostly horror conventions or an occasional weekend getaway. That all came to a screeching halt.
The first month after I had left my job, I was ok. I got my last check on November 30th so I was able to pay all of my December bills. Come January, I started to get stressed. This was not good. Because my insurance stopped in November, I had to ween myself off of my depression medication. That was one hell of a process. I felt like a drug addict must feel in rehab. The withdrawals were horrible! I had brain shivers and that is the weirdest feeling in the world. My brain felt like it was doing aerobics in my head!
Since the time I had left my job, I was working for a part time data entry company. I was only making between $350 and $400 every 2 weeks. I went to social services, during this time, to apply for assistance. That was a complete waste of my time! I could not get Medicaid for Devin because I made more than $400 a month. WTF??? I couldn't even get food stamps because I have 2 cars! So much for being honest!
My job search ended around the middle of January. I was contacted by a staffing agency about a job at another financial institution. The pay was only $10 an hour, but it was a 40 hour a week job. I started the last week in January. The job was very different from anything I had done before. The hours were from 6 am to 3 pm. This was extremely hard to get used to because of working 3rd shift for so many years. Also, I am not a morning person!
I took the job also under the impression that is was a temp to hire position. That was, not so much, the case. I started looking at other permanent positions on the company's website. I applied for all that I felt I was qualified for. About a month later, in April, I got a called from the hiring recruiter. I interviewed with 3 managers at once, only finding out during the interview, that all 3 managers had a position open. I waited, impatiently, for about 2 weeks before I heard anything. I was offered the position.
The position was in the department beside of my current one. They offered me position at the same rate I was making through the staffing agency. I questioned whether or not to ask for more money. I thought about it and considering that I would now be paying for insurance, I would be making less. I went through the "proper" channels and I was given a small increase. (Better than nothing!) That's where I currently am today. Great you might think, and don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my job. (Here comes the but!) But... I am still not making enough.
I now get paid every 2 weeks and barely bring home $700. That's $1400 a month. Remember when I said my monthly bills were $1500? Yeah... I still work part time at the data entry place on 2nd shift, when they have work available, which is hardly ever.
I had to have my cable cut off, which means no internet too! My dad got a loan for me to pay off my house early, lowering my payment $210 a month. That may sound great but I would have had my house paid off this September, now I have a 3 year loan to pay. You gotta do what you gotta do I guess! I got so far behind on my bills that my dad had to help me get caught up. On top of all of that, my water heater is leaking and causing my power bill to be over $400 a month. My dad paid for a water heater and we put it in a couple of weekends ago. I should see a big difference in my power bill in the next couple of months.
I will have to pat myself on the back, because during all of this, I have been medication free. I am handling stressful situations a lot better than I ever would have imagined. I have also noticed that I have had zero stress related migraines. (Only menstrual migraines.) My health, for the most part, has gotten a lot better.
The reason I decided to share all of this personal information about myself is to prove that choosing wealth over your health is not always the right the do. Yes, I blame myself for the situation I am in, but my health is not as poor and I am not always yelling at my son or anyone else for that matter. I hate to tell my son "no" when he asks for things now. It is not his fault that I am the predicament. His dad has really helped with the things involving money for school. Devin has even offered to get a part time job to help, but no luck yet.
I am far from being rescued from the black hole of debt I am in. Without my parents helping out, I would hate to even think where I would be today. (Here comes another but.) But now how I am going to repay them, and I mean financially! Again, all my fault.
I would love to hear from any of you that have been through this and how you survived! Forward this blog post to anyone you think may need to read it or may can help. I have added a "Donate" button to the sidebar, not that I expect anyone to give me money, but it is there nonetheless.