Looking Back at 2009

2009 was an interesting year, to say the least, and I can honestly say that I have learned a lot. I met new friends, re-connected with old friends and said good-bye to friends. I went on some wonderful road trips all while maintaining a new budget. My son and I have become closer than ever and that will go down as the best thing that happened to me last year.

In 2009 I began using Twitter. This may seem lame to a lot of people, but I have connected with more people through this social site than I ever would have imagined. Even though I am not on there as much as I used to be, I hope this will change during 2010 and that I can connect with even more people. There are a few people that stand out that I have met there, but to not leave anyone out, I will not even begin to list them, but will list a few websites that are my favorite and let you enjoy them if you choose. I have enjoyed chatting about horror movies, music, photography and the trashiest, but best, crime site I have come across yet. (www.dreamindemon.com) I have discovered some great blogs (www.thevaultofhorror.net) and pod casts (www.fearshop.com and www.horrorphilia.net) that are now a apart of my everyday life. A lot of people despise social sites such as Twitter, Facebook and MySpace, but for me, those are the people that are in my life and for that I am grateful. I enjoy talking to people, period!

2009 was also a year that I decided to let go of a few friends. I know that may sound bad, but it was something I needed to do to be able to move on with my life. So many times in the past I have lived my life for other people and now I realize that I need to live my life for ME. I know this may sound selfish, but if you are not happy with YOU, you make everyone around you miserable. Drama causes stress and stress makes me a very unbearable person. 2009 was the first year, in several years, that I had to take on life unmedicated. This was a challenge and if I do say so myself, I passed with flying colors! I am a very unique person and will change for no one. I accept myself for who I am and am very thankful for the people in my life that do also. I can be bitchy, pushy, impatient and intimidating, but those are qualities that make me the person I am. I have recently rediscovered my “soft” side. The ushy, gushy side that I forgot I had. I kinda like it! There IS a heart buried underneath all the cobwebs that have built up over the last 5 years, since I have been divorced.

2009 was the year that I went on some very interesting road trips. I attended two very exciting horror conventions, one in the spring and one in the late summer. I met and have maintained friendship with people from both trips. I also went on a lot of solo trips to the mountains. This was very therapeutic for me. I love to take pictures and that is more calming to me than any anti-depression medication can cure. I am a very independent person and enjoy time just being alone. At one time, I was so disgusted with myself. I had to learn real quick that if I couldn’t trust MYSELF, I couldn’t be trusted period. Trust has always been an issue for me in any relationship, friend or otherwise. Learning how to trust myself is the first step in trusting other people. Let’s just say that I am still working on the later part of the previous statement. But I have come a long way. Trust is something you definitely earn.

Last year was the first year in a while that I was financial strapped. I quit a very good paying job that last part of 2008. I chose health over wealth. (My last job was very stressful.) Even though I struggled for the most part of last year, my health did improve. I take nothing I have now for granted. My son and I had a very leisure lifestyle until I quit my job. It kills me to say to him that “I can’t afford that”, but I know he understands I did what I did because I had to. And believe it or not, I think this is one of the main things that has brought us closer together. We talk about anything and everything and I wouldn’t trade my hardships and lessons learned over last year for anything. I has definitely made me a stronger person and a more attentive mother. Don’t get me wrong, I am still struggling, and as I stated earlier, I now take nothing for granted.

I anticipate 2010 to be a better year. Learning all the things I did in 2009 will be put to good use in this year to come. I am, by no means, perfect. I have never claimed to be and I never will be. I take things one day at a time now, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. “Live for today, because tomorrow is never promised.” I wish each and everyone of you a great year. Remember to live life for YOU and change for no one! I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. I make New Year’s mottos!

Normal on the Outside

As a child, I remember going to the grocery store with my mom. When she would go to the meat section, I was fascinated with certain packaged meat products. I would stand there and stare at the cow livers and tongues. I would even poke at the meat just to feel the texture. The liver was smooth, while the tongue had a rougher texture. I have no idea why I needed to touch them or why I was never "grossed out" by it.

My mother often bought whole fryer chickens, the ones you basically had to "gut" before you cooked them. I was very curious about this process. My mom took notice of my curiosity and asked if I wanted to help. I remember receiving some sort of pleasure skinning the chicken and handling the "innards". That became my duty in the kitchen whenever chicken was cooked!

As far as my interest in horror movies goes, that started at a young age also. I remember watching "The Birds" and "Psycho" with my dad around the age of 7, in the early 80's. I loved those movies and wanted to live in Norman Bates' house! Even in black and white those movies were awesome. I know now that chocolate syrup was used in the shower scene in "Psycho"!

I also remember a movie that came on around Halloween. It was called "Dark Night of the Scarecrow". It came out in 1981. I watched that movie every Halloween until they stopped airing it.

I guess the first "popular" horror movie that I watched was "Friday the 13th". I was scared to death of Jason when I first saw that movie. The same with Michael Myers when first seeing "Halloween". Something about a man in a mask! Freddy, on the other hand, was not scary to me at all. He was hilarious!

In 1987, the movie that made me fall in love with vampires, came out. I spent a Friday night with my junior high best friend and we watched "The Lost Boys". We watched it again the next day, 3 more times! I grew up with a southern baptist momma who didn't even allow me to watch The Smurfs, much less horror movies! Boy, if she only knew what I got away with!

Back to my sick fascinations! In high school I took advanced biology. It came time for our dissection project. We were going to be dissecting a cat. I was, and still am, a cat lover, but for some reason it did not bother me to be cutting away at this cat. Maybe it was because the object laid before us no longer really looked like a cat or maybe it was because I am just that sick. Who knows. My partner and I completed the assigned list of items we were to dissect. After that, the teacher allowed us to "explore" our cat. Without going into great detail, to spare my fellow cat lovers, I removed the brain. I also kept, said brain, in a baby food jar and stored it in my locker for the remainder of the school year. Why? I don't know.

I will also spare my fellow cat lovers by not posting a picture of a cat dissection!

Serial killers are another fascination of mine, but I will save that for a different blog. But just to let you know: yes, I had small animals as a child and NO, I did not mutilate them! lol

My love for horror movies is stronger than ever. The more gore and sick and twisted content, the better. How can someone look so normal on the outside but be so sick and twisted on the inside? I guess those are the ones you have to look out for!